About depression related updates..

I think I'm not going to post those ones anymore.
In the end it is something I must go through myself, and you don't have to be "made" read those by following this blog.
I mean, like.. This is not something that will pass over night. I've been more and less depressed for about 5 years now.. Let's put it this way: it's like fat. Fat comes easily but hangs on there like a leech. XD

I don't want to be a burden any more than I feel I already am, thus hereafter I will be not posting any things related to my mental health. School stress and such is mentioned, but not any more serious stuff.
I want this blog to be a nice place, place where I can share my small joys and experiences with you.

So I thank you for the support you have given me here or somewhere else, but this is my burden and I don't want you to stress over my things for me.

I had interesting day btw.
I'll tell you about it tomorrow.
Good nigh, everyone! ♥

Few more days..

Hi everyone!
How are you? I'm good, although things aren't going as fluently as I wished they would.
Let's see.. The final exam week of the year has started. I had biology exam on Friday and I believe I did fine. I could have done better, but what is done is done, can't help it.
On Monday I have a Swedish exam.. goddämn I'm screwed! XD
Tomorrow I am going to wake up early to get my room cleaned (I messed it up while searching for few items I needed that moment and woah.. It looks like a wild Rattata appeared!), study Swedish, make some essays, finish reading the Egyptian by Waltari that must be read by Finnish exam (we're gonna write an essay about it or Seven Brothers by Kivi depending which one a person choosed to read). I also need to work with some cosplay things (more here) and play with Jiro althought my French horn lessons ended already. It's just that I am playing in school band and I must be able to play my best at spring festival.. I'm playing solo again, lol.. :D
I have been able to take part to only one rehearsal so far. The reason is simple: I have had so many physiotherapy appointments where I have had to go - my health and my body is the #1 for me. Everything else comes after that. Omigosh I must tell you about this one thing, but I think I will tell you about this tomorrow.. So that you don't get stomach ache for being so greedy ;DD JK.

Umm.. There's Eurovision 2012 finals going on at this very moment.. I think everyone else but me is watching.. I HAVE NO TV!! Who's your favorite and/or who are you voting for?

I wish you guys won't be up too late and have the sweetest dreams♥
Toodelooness~♥

Oh yeah!!!

Ohmygosh it's warm! 19°C!!
I'm at Ninnu's now, Jojo is here too! ♥ We're hanging outside, I'm writing this and they're taking photos :D Something "desucos" (=desucon's cosplay plans something, now you know what I mean if I say desucos.. ) related photo testing :3
But omigosh it's warm! I love it. And even wind is not cold! How amazing is that!
Thank goodness it's Sunday.. But.. It's Sunday.. So tomorrow's Monday. Monday means school. And Monday means that it's only two days 'till the final exam week starts. (noooooooo!)


Oh well.. I leave it here for now.
Toodeloones.

Demons! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!! DD:

Today my demons has been extremely harsh, but some little voice inside me told me to hang on and get up. I was able to made my bed, yay. Well, it's not the nicest one but it'll do for me.
My room is a landfill. Step by step I am going to get it clean today, if it takes the whole day. My floor is full of clothes, school books and other stuff. There is no room on tables. Miguel's cage needs cleaning, too. I think I will try to be fast with getting all the stuff from the floor so I can clean up M-boy's cage.

Things are getting harder and harder. It worries me. I am trying to stay strong but my demons are eating me from inside. I know this sounds really cliché and stupid, but this is how it feels. Thank goodness school is ending in two weeks. I get to throw this mask of fake smile to the corner for a moment. Just for a moment. Then there is Desucon. Actually, I won't get even a moment. There is a costume to be made. Wig to be styled/part of it to be dyed, 5kg to lose that I have gained in last two weeks. With the emotion eating appetite I have I think that is impossible.

Desucon..
Lots of people. Lots of.. talking, smiling, faking.. Haha, don't get me wrong, it's not that I wouldn't enjoy being there at all, it's just.. I don't know, I just get so tired so quickly nowadays. I'm not sure if you understand, but please, do try.

I'm quite pleased with my marticulation exams' results. I got better grade from health education that expected and English went as expected, I am perhaps a little disappointed. I'm thinking of redoing them both next Fall, though..

Guess what is frustrating?
That I don't feel at ease even in my own room. Why is that? Because my mom can just pop in without knocking any time she wishes. She doesn't care that I wish my space to be respected. I need a place to hide, and it has been my room. The space has got smaller, it is as small as my bed anymore.

What else, what else..
Well, today I'm going to go see my dear sister♥ Gawd, I miss her.

And tomorrow I will have a blast with Ninnu-chan. Making cosplay-thingys alone sucks, really. Making things with someone else makes things more awesome.. like things seem fluently (i don't even know if i typoed with that word, but guess what, i don't care) not to mention all the awesome topics we talk about. POKÉMON 4EVER.

Uhh.. I think I pick up that PepsiMAX bottle. And then my chewing gum bag. And a zipper. etc.

So. I hope you don't really mind these AWGD-MY-LIFE-IS-SO-MISERABLE posts. I remind you that I am depressed. It is diagnosed. (And before you start anything "omg but you're smiling and talking all the time", STFU. It's called faking/dealing with things when the world goes on when your own world collapses!) I have been talking to pros for few years and now I'm taking my treatment a step further and this blog is at first hand for me.
You don't have to read these posts or this blog, just sayin'. But if you're fine with me opening my heart here and are supporting me as a friend with my difficult.. situation? I really dunno what to call this, lol. ..I don't know. Do what ever you want :D
Now you have been warned. For the last time :D I'm not gonna mention this diagnose shit again :DD

Uhh, how fun was this post again.
Off to trying to get that bottle up and to a plastic bag.

Toodelooness.

School update #2

OMG!! Right after this lesson ends, I get to know the final results of spring's marticulation exams!! I can't wait. XP

Ps. this lesson is dead boring. :I